Friday, January 30, 2015

Six Things We've Learned About Being Married

My husband and I are celebrating our 6th Wedding Anniversary this weekend! Compared to the rest of our lives, it's just a small slice of time; but we feel like so much has happened in these past six years that we wanted to share with you some things we've learned along the way.

1. Talk, talk, talk. 
Look at us, all cute and young! 
You can't say the word "marriage" without the word "communication" following close behind! Well, that's because it's true. We've learned the importance of talking about everything, no matter what it is. Get out of your comfort zone and have the conversations that you "feel bad" about having. Whatever! Have those conversations again and again until you work through what needs to be worked out. Don't settle; don't complain; do something!
Bonus: Don't just talk; listen. Be the best listener your spouse knows.

2. Make your marriage a priority, second only to your Faith.
Between kids, work, keeping up with friends and family, helping friends and family, maintaining the house and yard, focusing on health and good sleep, exercising, saving the world, etc., it can often feel like there is no time left for each other. Our marriage has felt the effects when we put everything else, even kids, first. Here's a little romantic analogy for you: have you ever put food on the back burner with a low flame? Guess what happens? It eventually burns. And then you get the fun job of scraping charred chili off the bottom of the pot for the next two weeks. Think of what would happen if you left your marriage on the back burner.


(How did I go from talking about keeping marriage a priority to chili? Such is the mind of Maggie M.)

3. Make time for dates. 
I cannot stress enough the value of spending quality time with each other! This isn't meant to break the bank or even require a sitter for every date. We schedule in time every month, week, and night for us to do nothing but be together. Yes, I said schedule. Our marriage is just as important as all the other commitments in our life that earn a place on our calender.

4. Make time for yourselves.
Yep, I'm going there. I can almost hear the huffing and puffing, "Ruh-ruh-ruh, that girl thinks you should be selfish and self-centered...omg...I don't need this kind of influence in my life...where's the remote...."
Well, now hold on a second. I'm saying make time for yourself, not flush your marriage down the toilet. You were born unique, completely different from anyone else, with talents, gifts, and interests straight from God. So what I'm saying is: cultivate your own hobbies and continue to be YOU. Be generous by giving each other turns to have time out with friends or, if needed, time alone. My husband and I are, for lack of a more humble word, freaking awesome about this. You should be too. And make it fair. If one person is the only one getting a break, then that IS selfish!

5. Learn Energy Profiling. 
Have you ever heard of this? I was introduced to Beauty Profiling / DressingYourTruth / Energy Profiling several months ago, and I cannot tell you how much it has positively impacted my life. It's not just a season analysis based on your hair and skin color. It's a completely holistic approach to understanding the four types of people. Everyone has all four in them, but they lead with a dominant type. Figuring out our own types was fun, but learning about each others' was amazing and downright life-changing. My sister-in-law said recently that DYT should be a part of marriage prep. I absolutely agree with her. 

6. Make amazing scrambled eggs. 
You're going to spend a lot of time in life eating together, so put a little effort into perfecting the dishes that you both absolutely love to eat. No, scrambled eggs are not our #mostfavoritedisheverinthewholewideworldomg. But learning how to make the best bacon-tasting eggs without leaving ANY eggs in the pan is probably one of our biggest accomplishments these past six years, next to having three kids.

Anywho...I'd love to hear something that has positively impacted your marriage, whether serious or silly! Comment below!


Cynde Route said...


Happy anniversary!

I've been married for 27 years, and I have a different take on marriage at this point in the game.

1. When I think back to the early years of our marriage, I can't believe how little I knew about Michael compared to now. We have such an enormous shared experience between us, we can communicate volumes with just a look. That sounds cliche', but I trust that Michael loves me completely and operates always from a point of doing his best for me and our family. This is not to say talk is no longer important, but now, trust is more important. I don't just mean the kind of trust that tells me he'd never cheat on me; that seems so trivial compared to real trust. We adore each other, and never have to explain ourselves to each other. I'm not saying talk's not important in the early years, but only that, at some point, you move beyond the need for it.

2.We are always each other's priority even after 27 years. We're more likely to share the burned chili these days, though, not scrape it off!

3. Scheduling date nights sounds good, but doesn't work for us. We have to squeeze in our together time at odd moments every day.

4. I agree with this 100%. I first loved Michael for what he is, not for what he could do for me. It's still the same. I want him to be what he is. Does that make sense?

5. I never heard of this before, so I can't comment on it. I intend to find out.
6.We definitely have "our"things, foods included!

I'd like to add one thing that has been important for us. We are always kind to each other. Love is a verb; it's a promise we made to each other a long time ago. Sometimes, we may be angry, and not feel like we are "in" love; but we have made a promised to love each other, and when you practice love, you don't say mean things, you don't doubt, and you don't second guess.

I knew Michael for 2 months when we decided to get married, but can you tell that I'm craz in love with my husband?

Maggie said...

I loved reading your thoughts, Cynde! Thanks for sharing...your wisdom is inspiring. <3 Hope to see you soon!