Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Loving or Not

Why are people afraid of commitment?

Why is it easier to hold a grudge instead of forgiving?

Why do people insist on relying upon first impressions and not giving second chances?

Why do people always blame each other for problems instead of looking at themselves as well?

All of these questions revolve around love; they all show pride and egocentric behavior. With just a little self-awareness, more people could really make a difference. This might sound lovey-dovey and naive, but think about it. Everything we do in life has a domino effect on our surroundings, which then affects other people, etc. Selfish acts or mindsets are like poison to our families, our friends and coworkers, and even that person on facebook you've never met but just have to be superior over.

Take non-committal individuals. I'm talking about the people who refuse to commit to a specific person - not necessarily those who haven't found their mate yet. (By no means should you commit to someone who's no good for you.) It's frustrating to see relationships and "love" be abused by people who are only using each other. Saying that titles or "labels" aren't needed or wouldn't make a difference is pointless, because - if no difference would happen, then just admit you're boyfriend/girlfriend (or dating, or engaged, or whatever it is), instead of having a vague, undefined relationship that holds neither person accountable. Committing to a relationship does offer potential risk and hurt. But if you're taking the time to be with someone, isn't it worth the risk? If not, why are you still together?

By embracing what you have with another person and cultivating that relationship, you're honoring each other as an individual and as a whole person - instead of using them for whatever area you might need at the time.

Forgiving people for past wrongs is the most cathartic and loving step one could take for a better life. By doing so, we give others a second chance, which we all desperately need from someone or another. Think about a time you might have messed up. Imagine if the person you offended saw that one mistake as everything. Even though you believe you can do so much better, they have already written you off. A look that wasn't directed at them, a tone that was the cause of something entirely different than your conversation, a reaction to something you said that they took the wrong way, a complete misunderstanding of your words...

All of those things can ruin chances of friendships or put walls between people.

Do you always say the right thing, 100% of the time? Have you never messed up? Have you never said anything dumb? Have you always been 100% clear in your meanings, instructions, and tone?

Unless you can honestly say yes (and even if you can), it's unreasonable to hold others at such a standard. If we are always quick to blame others for problems, we are always going to see problems in others. For example, sometimes I get very frustrated with my toddler for her behavior. Why is she throwing her books instead of sitting there nicely reading them? Why is she whining for a popsicle when she just finished one?

I can get all snappy telling her, "Don't do this" or "Stop doing that" and increase our frustration with each other.  It's not until I take a look at myself and refocus my attention that Little Olive's behavior improves too. That's not to say she won't ever be a typical toddler, but so many of her "annoyances" are either caused or at least, not helped, by me.

Take some time today to realize it takes two to tango...and do your part to make things work!


Joyce Lansky said...

Human nature too. People are strange.


Jen As Herself said...

I just found your blog tonight and I consider myself very lucky. This was quite the amazing post to read as an introduction to you and your character. Thank you.