Sunday, July 03, 2011

Independence and Attachment

"Don't hold her all the time; she'll never let you put her down," they warned.

The advice came early, but I just smiled and nodded. Holding my baby was necessary and right. Erikson's 8 Stages of Development begin with trust vs. mistrust. Infants develop trust, independence, and attachments by being held, having their cries responded to, and being spoiled with love.

Now, people tell me, "I can't believe how independent she is." I openly agree. I can believe it. There's no "training" when it comes to forming a healthy attachment. Just love. And lots of cuddles.

22 comments:

D Ana said...

That is awesome. Cute pic.

--Diana Jillian

Word Nerd said...

I absolutely agree! I held my babies endlessly and never ignored their cries. We give our children their very first impressions of the world and I wanted mine to know that it was a safe and welcoming place, and that they were dearly loved. I wanted then to be sure that their needs would be met with love and care.

And despite getting the same disapproving warnings, I did what you did and responded the way that I knew was right. And mine, like yours, grew strong and confident, well-loved and independent.

Mike said...

What a great integration of story and advice!

Marian said...

Beautiful and I agree too! What could possibly be wrong with love?

Dances With Vodka said...

Good for you for following your heart instead and sticking with what you know is right! I think you were absolutely right and the independence and confidence in your child is obvious proof of that. Well done!

Claudia Moser said...

Just love is the right approach!

Cathy said...

So true. I think the parents in my generation (I'm 51 so early 1960s) were taught not to respond too much in case the baby became spoiled and demanding. I think showing love to our kids openly whenever they need it is the much better way. I think my kids are more secure than I am who had the former approach. I'm not saying my parents were bad parents as they were great but they were of that generation who thought it was best to let the baby cry for a while, along with the bottle feeding and spanking. It's what they knew at the time.

Megan said...

Thank you for this post! It helps me know I am not alone in my thinking. My in-laws and even parents tell me all the time I am creating a spoiled child by holding her all the time and not letting her cry it out. But I know that eventually she will become more independent because she will be secure in knowing that I am always there. She will trust!

Leenouh said...

good point

Stephtee said...

Everyone gave me flak for not 'bottle propping'...telling me that I'd never get anything done and that I'd spoil my kids but I held them every chance I could and I think they all turned out just great :)

Joyce Lansky said...

I held my babies constantly and have raised three very independent children. Whoever said that one shouldn't hold your baby too much, should be ignored. Erickson was certainly correct!

Joyce
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

Brenda Stevens said...

OH SHE IS SO ADORABLE!! (and i held mine all the time too!) LOVE how you integrated this! tweet tweet time!! : )

Jenn said...

Wonderful post...I'm with you, holding babies is necessary and right--and the most natural feeling in the world!

Langley said...

Beautiful post.

Theresa Wiza said...

How true! I completely agree with you.

Paula Martin said...

Enjoyed this, it shows that you should always do what YOUR instincts tell you to do, and not what other people tell you.

Jo said...

Holding babies is what mom's are supposed to do! Oh, and Grandma's as well. Loved it and you know you are right about never loving too much.

Mojo Writin' said...

Aww, that was very cute, and what a smasher (as my nan used to say of babies!)

Natalie said...

LOVE. :)

Kathy29156 said...

This is awesome! I hugged and cuddled my babies constantly, and still do, even though they are bigger. I figured they would discover how mean and hurtful the world could be soon enough. At home, they would always find a safe haven of love and acceptance no matter what.

Kathy
http://www.thetruckerswife.com/

beachlover said...

You and I were on the same page...no child can EVER have too much love and affection. The more, the better! Beautiful post!

Eccentricity said...

People said that to me as well--I was having babies in the early 90's.